We always have to give up something – or someone. Things, events, persons, relationships…with varying degrees of importance. Sometimes, no amount of preparation is ever enough. Often, it is better to choose to give it up than having it taken or snatched away from our grip. Either way, it is still painful.
And when these things happen, we realize how attached we really are to created things or creatures.
I admit this is one of my many weaknesses.
Growing up, I took care of my stuff well (at the least the ones I enjoyed the most like books and toys). I took pride in these little things I owned. I would keep my favorite clothes which I could no longer wear for a long time. I would collect my journals and keep them for years, treasuring memories and thoughts. I would keep notes and letters from classmates and friends even when I had no enough space for those. I seemed to be always collecting memorabilia and too hung up on sentimentality that gathered dust here and there.
Owning things are good and there is nothing wrong about treasuring them but when we become overly attached to these, to the point of selfishness, pride and vanity, we are actually hindered from truly loving God above anything and anyone. And this vanity, is rooted in selfishness, of wanting to be in control, of not wanting to be lacking in anything, at least as far as created things are concerned. There is this desire, an endless pursuit for things, for people, for places, events, for knowledge, for the news, that feed this curiosity, giving us momentary happiness and pleasure. After awhile, this ‘fake’ happiness fades.
As years go by, I begin reading about the life of St. Thérèse of Lisieux, a doctor of the Church, whose experiences and reflections about the Gospel continue to shed light to my own imperfections.
In her autobiography, the Little Flower shared many accounts with such honesty as to how she acquired this detachment. She showed diligence in practicing this through hundreds of little opportunities everyday. Indeed, this great saint reached this level of perfection that nothing, criticism or praise, sickness or health, abundance or deprivation of things, could no longer disturb her peace!
Though I am far from acquiring this virtue, I consider it a blessing from God to allow me to at least be aware of how exceedingly I am in need of this virtue. For how can I ever move forward if I do not even know where I am? At present, I can boast of nothing but my weaknesses. Here is just one simple example.
A few years back, I was admiring the bunch of yellow bells in the front yard before I left. They were many and truly delighted me and our visitors. Shortly, I came back and found them all gone! My father cut them all and not one flower or branch was left. He got irritated whenever my mother would remind him to prune the trees or plants that one day, he decided to cut them all off in anger. I was so upset as I stared at the branches and flowers on the ground! What has he done? When I asked him why he did it, he simply shrugged it off, saying they will grow again. We waited and it took awhile before one flower grew and then it eventually died. We planted another one but it was never the same. I felt that pain of loss. This made me realize how attached I was (and can still be) to things. God had seen that vanity in my heart as I marveled at those flowers before leaving. Yes, it was a great loss but I survived!
At another time, before I went to Mass, there was something that has been deeply bothering me. It was an event or occasion that I had unwillingly missed. As I was sitting on the pew, waiting for the Mass to start, this thing that had been bothering me since the night before started to fade, along with the nagging feeling of loss. This thing seemed so far away and no longer mattered nor disturbed me. And I was lost in thought and at peace where I was, staring at the Cross, at the altar, at the statue of our Lady. I was where I should be, and at peace. And how I prayed then that I would always feel that way! But no. I guess God, in His Mercy, allowed me to experience it at that moment so that I can appreciate the difference and long for Him more. Indeed, when our hearts and minds are focused on God, nothing else matters except Him. On the contrary, when we get distracted, then we panic, we worry, we dwell on disappointments and frustrations just like the two disciples of Jesus on the way to Emmaus. And as a result, we cannot see Jesus nor comprehend God’s plan for us.
As we try to get closer to God, He puts our love to the test. And once in a while, we find ourselves in a situation where we experience losses; friendships, material things, jobs, reputations, personal comfort, our health, even our memory! Worse, we may even lose the lives of people dear to us, or lose hope… But painful as they are, God gives us the opportunity to practice this detachment, trust and abandonment. Scary, but I suppose He is training us for more. The good news is that as we further practice getting detached to these things, we look at them now from a distance and see them in a different light. And all the more that He allows us to see clearly that these things are not as beautiful and important as they seem. These things only keep us yearning and desiring for more. But His Presence is what satisfies. His Presence gives us peace. Then we notice that our ‘taste buds’ gradually change and what use to satisfy and entertain us before, one by one, no longer does. We begin to see and experience the Truth.
But we must remain on guard, lest we become complacent and fall on his trap. For the Devil shall continue to tempt us with other ‘delicacies’ in his menu for us to develop a renewed sense of taste for the same old vices, until our last breath. He is quite able to rebrand these vices, making them appear all nice, like gifts tied with a red bow. And before we know it, we have fallen all over again.
Friends, let us pray that when this happens, we can quickly wake up and run to our Lord.
To God be the Glory!